How Do I Plan A Renewal Vow Or Second Wedding?

By Alex Lemone

While renewal vows and second weddings do mean getting married for the second time, there are a few differences that should be pointed out.

Renewal vows mean just that. You’re just reiterating that the two of you are remaining dedicated to each other. Now, you could have someone officiate the vows for you if you like, or even have a short religious ceremony to celebrate, this does not require any license or paperwork since you’re already married to each other.

Second weddings, however, mean that one or both of you had been married before to different spouses. In this case, paperwork is required, since you will be legally registering a new marriage.

That said, there are a few bits of etiquette to follow when hosting second weddings and vow renewals.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-SJ-4uqmUU[/youtube]

First of all, you don’t need any of the pre-wedding celebrations for a second wedding, except perhaps a party to announce your engagement and a rehearsal dinner. Bridal showers are optional, as are bachelorette parties. Vow renewals don’t require any of these at all, remember, you’re already married!

As to place, second weddings may be held in a religious or secular setting. The only thing asked is that you don’t get married in the same place as your first wedding. Vow renewal ceremonies may be held anywhere, since it is actually a celebration of the years you have spent together.

Both can definitely be more casual and personal celebrations, since the only people to please are the two of you. The decorations can be more eclectic, the same with the food and flowers. During vow renewals, however, you could carry a bouquet but you don’t toss it to the female guests.

The attire can be more casual as well, basing on the tone of the ceremony. While you could wear your original wedding gown for a vow renewal if you want (and give yourself a toast if you can!), cocktail dress or other semi-formal or dressy casual outfit will do, too. If it’s your second wedding, nix using your old dress. Throw everything from your former marriage out – and this includes keeping old engagement rings away, or recreating your first wedding down to everything except the groom.

Children are going to be involved in one way or another in both ceremonies. Putting together a blended family is a little trickier, so do ask the children if they would want to be involved in the wedding or just be a guest. Giving them an active role in the ceremony is a terrific way of giving them a little control to what could be (for them) a scary day.

In vow renewal ceremonies, children may actually run the show! Give them starring roles wherever you can; they are, after all, one of the main and very obvious reasons for this ceremony.

Last, don’t expect gifts. While second-time brides may have a small gift registry, this is definitely not recommended for vow renewal ceremonies. A nicely worded invitation is the best way to drive home that point. Some couples ask that donations be made to their favorite charities; this would be a beautiful option.

About the Author: Alex Lemone writes on many family, baby, and wedding topics. For

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